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Before arriving at the main entrance, we pass the Ruler’s Entrance, a gated and secure approach built specifically for the local Royal Family to use. Its start is marked out by a 40-meter-high entrance arch that rivals the Arc de Triomphe for pomp and largesse. Incidentally, the ruling family have six private suites on the top floor of the hotel reserved just for them.

Built by the government of Abu Dhabi as the nation’s flagship hotel, the 243,000 square meter Kempinski-managed Emirates Palace is set on 100 hectares of landscaped gardens and has 1.3 km of private beach. About a kilometer long, the Hotel is a seriously large building, and a walk around the perimeter will give you 2.5 kilometers worth of exercise.

The Emirates Palace has two Maybach 57s in its 15-strong limousine fleet, and for those who wish to arrive by air or sea, there are two helicopter pads and a marina that provide private berths for yachts and super yachts. The government’s aim is to make this the best marina in the UAE.

We were shown around the hotel and everywhere we went, we saw Swarovski crystal. Even the doors in public areas had crystals embedded in the handles. But the pièce de résistance is the 1,002 Swarovski crystal chandeliers that festoon the hotel, of which the ballroom alone has 15.

With just 302 luxury rooms and 92 suites, guests benefit from a sense of space. This also means that distances from point-to-point are greater than in other hotels so there is a spa at the end of both east and west wings.

Our visit coincided with one of the 10,000 euro-a-night Palace Suites the hotel has 16 of these being unoccupied. The immense size and exquisite finishing of the reception rooms, bedrooms and bathrooms in this 680-meter-square suite makes most luxury apartments look small. At this level, size is everything, and with 50-inch plasma TVs in the bedrooms, it is no surprise that the reception rooms feature 61-inch screens.

For the return trip, I decided to see what the Maybach 62S was like from behind the wheel, arguably something an owner would rarely do since owner-drivers buy the 57S.

Like its shorter stable-mate, the 62S features the carbon-fiber and black piano-lacquer wood trim that I adore. Cheek-by-jowl with the cream leather, this looks modern and classy, and is more appealing to a younger audience for whom traditional wood is too staid.

Waftability is a term that has found its way into motoring parlance, but it was invented by the engineers at Rolls-Royce to describe the effortless acceleration of a luxury car from very low engine speeds. As an archrival to Rolls-Royce, there is no doubt that waftability is part of the Maybach remit as well.

However, the much more powerful Maybach has a Jekyll-and-Hyde nature. On the one hand, its drive-by-wire throttle is so finely tuned, you can step off from rest as smoothly and gracefully as the situation demands. And when the time comes to slow or stop, the SBC brakes allow you to modulate your retardation in an equally measured manner.

On the other hand, if you really need to hustle, the mighty engine makes a very good attempt at trying to change the laws of physics. The massive torque effortlessly picks up 2.85 tonnes of metal, glass, rubber, and leather, hurling them down the road at a rate that leaves many sports cars gasping for breath. This is truly the epitome of a mailed fist in a velvet glove.

Cruising back to Dubai on a light throttle was no effort at all, and as the sun began its decline in the sky, we arrived back at the Al Qasr Hotel, our home away from home.

Now it was time to prepare for dinner on the beach under the soaring mast of the Burj Al Arab, the other seven-star hotel in the UAE. It’s a hard life, but someone has to do it!